No, you come HERE and I’ll heal you. Maybe.

I’m working on a WoW Newsletter for one of my favorite clients; this one is a monthly repeat project. March’s newsletter has a nice feature on Battlegrounds in it, which means that I need some Battleground screenshots. Which means I’m going in, cover me.

Not only will I be subjecting myself to PvP, but I’m going to have to do it on multiple characters from both factions. That’s so all my screenies don’t give the impression that WoW means playing an Undead Warlock, and nothing else. We can’t have that.

So I’m trying to put together toon-BG combinations that I know will go well. For example, no one but Ahimdylaw, the Paladin, is allowed to do Alterac Valley. Those people are just insane, and it’s not safe for the rest of my toons. ‘Law is the only character I’ve ever had any success with in AV, and that includes healers.

Now that I think about it, healing is probably the best way to do BGs. I’m not expected to fight, not really, and I can play “god” for a few minutes. What the schnitzle am I doing writing this post? I could be not healing rogues fighting in the middle! Right this second!


Meet Ferrousanna, the Iron Woman

I know, horrible pun, right? Whatever.

I’ve decided to give this whole Iron Man thing a shot. I thought about my class options long and hard, and finally decided that a Paladin was a great option. The only other one, in my opinion, would be Druid. I also picked Draenei, in hoping that all that questing I’ll be doing will at least be a bit fresher.

Here are the Rules:

1. All gear employed must be White or Grey. Also, no Heirlooms of any sort.
2. No transfer of gear, items, or money from any other character (yours or others).
3. No gear enhancement(s), thus no socketed gems, enchanting or reforging. Exceptions exist for class abilities (example: rogue poisons).
4. No specializations, talent points, or glyphs. This restriction also applies to talent points for pets.
5. No professions or secondary skills. An exception is made for First Aid.
6. No potions/flasks/elixirs (except those labeled as quest Items).
7. No food buffs or other external buffs (this includes buffs from items and other players).
8. No grouping or assistance from other characters, even if not grouped.
9. No dungeons/raids. No battlegrounds/arenas.
10. No guilds. An exception is made for Iron Man guilds. No guild perks.
11. No Recruit-A- Friend activities. The intention of the challenge is that it be done without assistance.
12. No add-ons that assist in combat and/or leveling.
13. THE BIG ONE: No deaths. Character death for any reason disqualifies the character.

Oh, and by the way, we just crash landed on this planet, thanks to the Orcs destroying Draenor with their careless, anti-environmentally conscious ways, throwing empty Dorito bags and used condoms around like they owned the place, mirite? and yet, it IS Valentine’s Day, so we should decorate our rubble, don’tcha think?

"Ferrousanna, we normally send you noobs to go heal a wounded man, but instead, why don't you string this crepe paper?"



I like to wear the least possible amount of pants

Anna the Priest, being recently dinged into 85, is just now entering Cata heroics. That means that her gear is this impossibly ugly mish-mosh of badge gear, dungeon drops and a few crafted items from my tailoring Warlock, like this horrid belt.

Lightweight Champion

I know the issue with female armor being incredibly sexist, and keeping that in mind, I decided to pick the skeeziest set I could find to transmog for her. Lucky for me, my tailor farmed up the recipes for the Cindercloth tunic and pants ages ago. I still need to find shoulders and a hat that will coordinate with that, and I’m thinking that the Crimson Silk or Red Mageweave shoulders will probably rock it.

For the head piece, I really want something that will let me show off her long, flowing red hair, so like a circlet or something. I picked up one of the Owl that’s kind of gold colored–we’ll see if I can’t find something cuter. If I totally can’t, then I have the Mag’hari Ritualist horns. If you don’t remember them, they are of the Felheart Horns design, and I think they’ll be pretty awesome with the outfit. One complaint: it’s hard to find a belt that really goes with the set. Crimson Silk didn’t quite do it, so I ended up putting the Netherweave Belt on her for now. What do you think?

I read a lot of Virginia Woolf when I'm not healing dungeons.

“I read a lot of Virginia Woolf when I’m not healing dungeons.”

While checking banks and the auction house and bags for the crafting mats, I noticed an adorable hunter standing nearby in a cute, tarty little mail get up. A quick inspection showed that she’d ‘mogged her stuff to the mail set that drops in Scholomance. BAM! My Hunter is on her way to Western Plaguelands as we speak.

AND? Totally hilarious aside, while I was typing all this, said Hunter perished off the coast of the Hinterlands. Her little flying machine crashed, and she died of fatigue. She’s now running off the Resurrection Sickness by flying up to Scholo where she should have been headed in the first place.

So, five quick runs of the final four bosses for the Bloodmail set, and I’ve got only the hands and legs. Now my bags are full, and I’m sick of running back out of the dungeon (which takes longer than running in, since I drop down off the opening ledge and miss nearly all of it). I think I’ll make my Rogue go farm a Blood Elf Mask, instead. She’s good at sneaking in and out of high-level-guarded areas.

There is no appropriate title for my Undead Warlock

I decided the other day that I want Somnambulist, the Troll Druid, to get the Cenarion title. I mean, of course, am I right? And then it occurred to me that Annasteezia still has no title. She should be Ambassador, don’t you think? I do.

Of course, that means I gotta finish off Thunder Bluff to Exalted. Gah.

And Ahimdylaw, of course a Paladin should have the Argent Champion title, right? So now I figure out how to get Argent Dawn rep in this day and age.

It’s what I get for not caring about rep while it was relevant, I guess.

So anyway, it turns out you can purchase WotLK faction rep with Justice Points: 520 rep per 16 points, as a matter of fact. So I turned my measly ~160 points into a 1/2 way to Revered status, and I’ll finish the rest off while doing the Argent Dawn stuff in Eastern Plaguelands. That’s fitting, I think. I’m going to enjoy it.

Searing Pain isn’t even on my toolbar

There was a post in my Reader this morning at Killing ’em Slowly about shameful confessions while playing a Warlock.

Oh, how I can relate. Here are a few of my shameful confessions:

  • I named my Doomguard “Bob.” I thought that would bring us a little closer, and I’d remember to bring him out more often. It doesn’t really work that way.
  • I secretly love it in dungeon groups when the tank and healer bite it (because as soon as one goes down, the other will be right behind), then the other two dps die, and I, having Soul Burned myself an Instant Tank, am able to be the last one standing for the boss kill (like, four minutes later, because you can solo-kill a boss at level on an Affliction Warlock, but you cannot do it quickly–you must apply one DoT and keep it refreshed while alternately Health Funneling your Void, Shattering and dusting your monitor or filing this month’s paid bills).
  • That entire paragraph above is one sentence. Even with the parenthetical aside.
  • I especially love the above scenario when I’ve recently taken some heat for my crap dps.
  • That having been said, I also can’t PvP on my Warlock worth a damn. Never could.
  • I once transferred my Undead Warlock to another server to play with friends, and found out they were playing Alliance. I had to faction-change her and was forced to pick Human (because it was pre-Cata, there were no Worgen yet, and Gnome? I mean, come on).
  • Human Mal was always way stupider than Undead Mal.

Gypsykins needs a new dress

So with everyone else frantically trying to gather up all the transmog gear they can get their hands on, I’m leaning the other way. Instead, I’m looking for items I can equip on a level 5 Blood Elf Warlock. She’s my bank toon, and I love playing dress-up with her.

The first step was to make new toons for the sole purpose of nabbing their starting gear. First up, Crazyhairlock gave me her starting Goblin Warlock dress. I sent her a gold piece to help her with the expenses, and deleted her as soon as I got the dress out of the mail. There’s not a whole lot that sadder than a naked Goblin.

Next, Gobbypriest sent me the same outfit, only in blue. Cute, huh?

Don’t worry, I’ve got the blue Acolyte Staff on the way to her so it’ll coordinate.

Next, a series of Warlocks for additional red robes and dresses, including the Belf and Troll. I have to say, it was rather fun making all these ‘Locks and seeing what Imps they managed to summon from the nether. The Goblin’s imp was Pagyap, which my mind immediately translated as “Paypal.” The Troll’s Imp was named Kuptai, and wow, that one was almost too cute to delete. Her staff didn’t have anything on the Belf one, tho, so BOOM, back to the nether with you both.

Finally, a couple of Undead ladies, for the green Mage and red Warlock robes. That should help fill my closet up considerably. The Warlock robe for UD, beeteedubya, is the traditional one from vanilla. Hawt.

Isn't it awesome that Undead wake up with this buff?

Finally, the Alliance starting robes. Rather than start making and killing Allie toons,  and trying to neutral AH all the stuff over, I thought I’d send Mal on a trip to the Old Hillsbrad Foothills. Caverns o’ Time, sweetness, get after it.

Well, hello Thomas! I've been waiting for -- wait, that sounds creepy.

While on this little side mission, I decide to take out Don Carlos on heroic mode. Might as well get the souvenir hat, don’t you think?

After that, I talked D and his friend into helping me clear some old BC raid content for tier pieces for Mal. She got the Voidheart Robe to match the Crown already in Void Storage, but neither the shoulders nor the legs dropped for her. Stupid Gruul and Maulgar.

Tonight we’re gonna stop the crap out of Kara again, so D can finish off his Tier 4 Druid set. I’m hoping my Glove token drops from Curator, too.

Maybe we SHOULD see other toons?

Dear Cynwise:

I’m sooo feeling you. My ‘Lock has been my main since 2006, when I began playing. She’s the one who has the achievements, the pet collection, the mount collection, the reputations, the titles. She has an amazing collection of hats, too, now that I think about it, and beer steins in every color of the rainbow.

Malarea shrugs, says "I mean, what the hell?"

Warlock in emotional turmoil

I think Cata really did twist the class into something that just isn’t that compelling anymore. It used to be, when I went to a new server, I made an Afflock first. Because I love them.

Now? Malarea is firmly Destruction, pulls substandard dps in dungeons and raids, has zero fun in PvP, and gets logged onto once in a while for a Holiday or to enchant something for the Hub.

I think the only way to save her would be for Blizz to introduce class transfers. I mean, why the hell not, at this point? I could make her a Male Human with a different name on another server; the class is the only thing I can’t change. And that makes me really sad, because I love her. We just don’t have that much in common anymore.

*wanders off to consider player-toon counseling*